A couple years ago, I ventured into one of my many virtual lives – but this was my first virtual rock band…
A little bit of history here for those of you who didn’t know me until this century (those of you who knew me previously and/or wish you didn’t – skip to the end!) – I’ve been living a virtual life since about 1990. I might’ve been in Junior High, but it was also a time of email and bulletin board systems (BBSs). For those of you who never ventured into what was then even decades-old-technology or you are only recently starting your adventure into “social networking” (a term that those of us from way-back would’ve just replaced with “goon”), you’ve got some catching up to do.
Daily doses of Facebook and relentless, annoying tweets will not replace the psychological evolution that inspired a generation (or two) of geeks who truly embraced the concept that looks are indeed not everything and, as it is in 2009, asynchronous communication didn’t refer to the postal service nor was a chat something you had at the local Starbucks. We weren’t the most attractive bunch, but we were confident, friendly, brilliant, and attractive – behind our monitors.
Now formalized through structured online dating, our meetings occurred in the most basic form – Saturday night at “the park.” While the internet is now available at our fingertips from anywhere on Earth, back then we breathed deeply waiting to type “atdt (#)” and log into a chat room where our friends embraced us regardless of our awkwardness – for online, we were powerful. We perfected emoticons and some of us still think in terms of “actions”. If I ever said to you, “Sigh” or “ga here,” it’s because my brain still reverts to a 2400 baud delight. (As an aside, “GA” stood for “generic action” and was a tweet long before twitter ever got here.)
While I’ve surely talked about this before, the most fun I’ve had in a virtual life (FarmVille definitely doesn’t compare) is Rock Band. If you haven’t experienced Rock Band, you’re missing out. It’s a great family activity and brings out the performer in everyone. I’ve enjoyed many an hour at the hands of this game and, yes, probably could’ve learned how to play guitar for real. But the game is, after all, generally less frustrating, cheaper, and more satisfying in a shorter time. The latter especially speaks to my aging mind, which was warped by an early introduction to technology and the inability to delay gratification. Rock Band can be a social or individual activity and I would highly recommend it for families – for those of you in Utah, beware that the clothes are not necessarily the most Utah-appropriate. However, I make no apologies for my somewhat-risqué and highly tattooed rocker (clearly she does NOT represent my alter ego, Jezebel).
And, here we are again back to my point – Inspired by the game and in the mood for tongue-in-cheek stupidity, the lyrics below were composed about a year ago when the game was newer and I had more time to waste. Props to the goons.
Virtually a Rock Band
Waiting all day, just putting’ in my time.
Can’t wait to get out, got to get my gear online.
The closing bell rings and I’m already on the road.
Crazy on the streets, my blood starts to flow.
Walked into the room and she’s waiting there for me.
Shiny black guitar, she’s even cord free.
I grab her by the neck, swing the strap around mine.
The thrill of excitement shoots down my spine.
Ready for the tour? I hear my manager say.
Got to look sharp if the fans are gonna pay.
Change up my hair, add a few tats.
Upgrade my gear and review my stats.
Metallica, Coheed, and Paramore.
These covers are made for racking a score.
The solo comes up and I start to flash red.
The fans are booing; I’m losing my cred!
Chorus
I play the buttons on my Gibson.
You pound the drums; the Xbox sings.
With the hours we’ve invested.
Could have learned the real thing.
I yell to my bandmates, hit the right notes!
They try to help while watching their throats.
I fret the quick ones and hold out a wail.
Savior, thank you; the band almost failed!
I’m rocking the club and my energy is climbing.
Lifted up her neck I’m quickly overdriving.
My pulse is racing and I’m feeling the beat.
Pounding in my head and tapping in my feet.
Chorus
I play the buttons on my Gibson.
You pound the drums; the Xbox sings.
With the hours we’ve invested.
Could have learned the real thing.
The big finish comes and we try to hit them all.
The guitar is grooving when a drumstick falls!
At the last moment, the final cord appears
A triple, on expert – the greatest of fears!
I hit it, no problem, I play it extra cool.
My bandmates know not to mess with this fool.
We earn some cash and a bunch of new fans.
Soon we’re off to Boston, in our fancy new van!
Chorus
I play the buttons on my Gibson.
You pound the drums; the Xbox sings.
With the hours we’ve invested.
Could have learned the real thing.
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