I remember back in the day it seemed that men were much more aggressive when it came to approaching a woman they saw and liked from across the room. I mean, men would actually approach you and offer to buy you a drink! Nowadays, it seems like the men play the bar, look but don’t speak… WHAT’S UP WITH THAT? Now, I’m off the market but this goes out to all my single ladies out there that are wondering “Is it me or has dating changed?”
Yesterday, my bestie took me out to hang out for my birthday and we went to this nice spot in Teaneck, NJ. It was a decent sized crowd, not too many men and not too many women. There may have been a few couples, but for the most part it looked like an ample amount of “fish in the sea” or “fresh meat” out there to be had. I like to watch men and women interact, because I want to see what it takes. Is it what she wears that has the men looking? Is it the girl who flirts with all the guys that gets the most attention? Is it the girl who is cute but kinda plays the back that gets the guy or is there really no rhyme or reason to the dating madness?
What I saw was really kinda sad. It resembled what you would think of at a school dance. Guys hanging with their boys and the girls hanging amongst themselves. Now the room wasn’t divided and there were some people mingling. But it seemed they only spoke to people that they knew. I really didn’t see too many people approaching eachother at all. As the night progressed and more people came, there were more people letting their guard down and dancing on the floor, but for the most part it reminded me of a question that my girlfriends and I often chatted about after a night out… “what happened to the dating scene?” “where did all the men who approach women go?” OR “is it us?”
I often think that because the rolls for men and women have changed so much over time, we’re all confused in how we’re supposed to behave with eachother. Women are more independent and self-sufficient therefore making them more bold and aggressive and are asking men out. Women also are more “out there” then we used to be therefore we sometimes throw ourselves at men, making it easy for them. I think that they have become spoiled and often wait for the women to approach, that way they don’t have to worry about getting rejected or embarrassed if she’s not interested. But I thought, men liked to chase? Men were hunters once upon a time. Now it seems like the tables have turned. But I polled some of my guy friends on Facebook and these were some of the responses I got to my question:
POLL: FB Men I have a 2 part question. It seems like the men today have changed. Men used to be more aggressive when approaching a woman. Now it seems if you go out the men play the bar and watch from a distance… What makes a woman unapproachable? What signs or signals should a woman give in order to make you feel comfortable to approach her?
Guy: It’s not women being unapproachable, it’s the fear of rejection, not wanting to be embarrassed by getting shut down
Guy: From what I’ve seen yeah, I don’t really have issues with approaching women, I just do…never been brushed off… Guess I’m lucky
Me: So what should a woman do to give a signal to a guy that it’s ok to come and talk to her, besides just approaching him. Is there anything women can do?
Guy: For me it’s eye contact, a smile
Guy: when a woman is asking everybody for a drink that can be the reason [men don't approach] and we are in a recession… but women should maybe smile more thats a sign
Guy: I partly agree with being shut down thing. But I think men play back and watch more so than just jumping. When I go out I’m attempting to make a decent pick. I don’t wanna end up with the whore of the club. I lay back and find the one who is the most attractive to me it’s a combo of looks, how she dressed, how she moves when she dances and even wat she drinks or if she smokes. I prefer some type of eye contact be made and do it a little old school. But I will approach her. Some woman need to stop looking so dayum mean when they know a guy is checking. Unfortunately I’m sure some of my counter parts have ruined things and have been disrespectful but woman need to remember all mean are not alike!.
So ladies, I know that it’s not just my girlfriends and me that are asking ourselves these kinds of questions and now you have some honest feedback from the fellas. It’s not that they are intimidated, it’s just they have their pride and who wants to be embarrassed in front of their boys?! Although, if a man doesn’t approach you because of fear of rejection, then maybe he’s not worth it anyway. However, one guy also says he takes his time to scope out the scene because he’s looking for QUALITY! That’s a very good reason for a man to take his time and something that we should look at as well. Check out the men who are checking for you and if they are pouncing on everything that in a tight skirt maybe you don’t want him! And maybe we could help the guys out a bit and smile and look their way a little more. It gives them a little motivation to think they actually have a chance. And ladies, don’t make it all about the drink that you’ll ask him to buy for you AND your girlfriends… we are in a recession and every is on a budget SO maybe a more classy and sophisticated way to get a guys attention (and let him know you’re not just trying to get a free drink) is to send him a drink… see what happens.
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