IS IT ME OR HAS DATING TAKEN A WRONG TURN?

I remember back in the day it seemed that men were much more aggressive when it came to approaching a woman they saw and liked from across the room.  I mean, men would actually approach you and offer to buy you a drink!  Nowadays, it seems like the men play the bar, look but don’t speak… WHAT’S UP WITH THAT? Now, I’m off the market but this goes out to all my single ladies out there that are wondering “Is it me or has dating changed?”

Yesterday, my bestie took me out to hang out for my birthday and we went to this nice spot in Teaneck, NJ.  It was a decent sized crowd, not too many men and not too many women.  There may have been a few couples, but for the most part it looked like an ample amount of “fish in the sea” or “fresh meat” out there to be had.  I like to watch men and women interact, because I want to see what it takes.  Is it what she wears that has the men looking? Is it the girl who flirts with all the guys that gets the most attention? Is it the girl who is cute but kinda plays the back that gets the guy or is there really no rhyme or reason to the dating madness?

What I saw was really kinda sad.  It resembled what you would think of at a school dance.  Guys hanging with their boys and the girls hanging amongst themselves.  Now the room wasn’t divided and there were some people mingling.  But it seemed they only spoke to people that they knew.  I really didn’t see too many people approaching eachother at all.  As the night progressed and more people came, there were more people letting their guard down and dancing on the floor, but for the most part it reminded me of a question that my girlfriends and I often chatted about after a night out… “what happened to the dating scene?” “where did all the men who approach women go?” OR “is it us?”

I often think that because the rolls for men and women have changed so much over time, we’re all confused in how we’re supposed to behave with eachother.  Women are more independent and self-sufficient therefore making them more bold and aggressive and are asking men out.  Women also are more “out there” then we used to be therefore we sometimes throw ourselves at men, making it easy for them.  I think that they have become spoiled and often wait for the women to approach, that way they don’t have to worry about getting rejected or embarrassed if she’s not interested.  But I thought, men liked to chase?  Men were hunters once upon a time.  Now it seems like the tables have turned.  But I polled some of my guy friends on Facebook and these were some of the responses I got to my question:

POLL: FB Men I have a 2 part question. It seems like the men today have changed. Men used to be more aggressive when approaching a woman. Now it seems if you go out the men play the bar and watch from a distance… What makes a woman unapproachable? What signs or signals should a woman give in order to make you feel comfortable to approach her?

Guy:  It’s not women being unapproachable, it’s the fear of rejection, not wanting to be embarrassed by getting shut down

Guy:  From what I’ve seen yeah, I don’t really have issues with approaching women, I just do…never been brushed off… Guess I’m lucky

Me: So what should a woman do to give a signal to a guy that it’s ok to come and talk to her, besides just approaching him. Is there anything women can do?

Guy:  For me it’s eye contact, a smile

Guy:  when a woman is asking everybody for a drink that can be the reason [men don't approach] and we are in a recession… but women should maybe smile more thats a sign

Guy:  I partly agree with being shut down thing. But I think men play back and watch more so than just jumping. When I go out I’m attempting to make a decent pick. I don’t wanna end up with the whore of the club. I lay back and find the one who is the most attractive to me it’s a combo of looks, how she dressed, how she moves when she dances and even wat she drinks or if she smokes. I prefer some type of eye contact be made and do it a little old school.  But I will approach her. Some woman need to stop looking so dayum mean when they know a guy is checking. Unfortunately I’m sure some of my counter parts have ruined things and have been disrespectful but woman need to remember all mean are not alike!.

So ladies, I know that it’s not just my girlfriends and me that are asking ourselves these kinds of questions and now you have some honest feedback from the fellas.  It’s not that they are intimidated, it’s just they have their pride and who wants to be embarrassed in front of their boys?!  Although, if a man doesn’t approach you because of fear of rejection, then maybe he’s not worth it anyway.  However, one guy also says he takes his time to scope out the scene because he’s looking for QUALITY!  That’s a very good reason for a man to take his time and something that we should look at as well.  Check out the men who are checking for you and if they are pouncing on everything that in a tight skirt maybe you don’t want him!  And maybe we could help the guys out a bit and smile and look their way a little more.  It gives them a little motivation to think they actually have a chance.  And ladies, don’t make it all about the drink that you’ll ask him to buy for you AND your girlfriends… we are in a recession and every is on a budget SO maybe a more classy and sophisticated way to get a guys attention (and let him know you’re not just trying to get a free drink) is to send him a drink… see what happens.

[Via http://therealjspot.wordpress.com]

Separation of Church and Facebook

So lately, I have spent more time on Face book having to trudge through piles and piles of religious spam. This stuff ranges from “God’s message for the day” to “If you are not ashamed to proclaim Jesus as your savior, do so by pasting this as your status!!!”. Well I am not ashamed….I don’t just believe it’s true..That’s why I’m not posting it.

What to do here?

When I say wading through it, I am talking about items posted on my newsfeed from my friends. I am not talking about messages spamming me to join a group etc. This creates a weird scenario. I should develop a chart which outlines a threshold, exceed it and feel the wrath of my “hide” button, stay within the limits and bask in eternal glory.

I spend a majority of my time either hiding the religious content, or contemplating just posting how I feel about it. I don’t think I am ready to commit Social Suicide yet.  I have seen some pretty crazy stuff that almost makes me want to just let the chips fall where they may.

[Via http://armyatheist.wordpress.com]

I'm a FarmVille Addict.

I have to confess to my FarmVille addiction, and no matter how busy I am, I always find time for this time sucking game. I always find the time to log into Facebook. Thank God, my Blackberry doesn’t support the game, otherwise, I’d be in trouble. I figured if I came clean, it was the first step, I’d be able to wean myself, but now they added Christmas decorations. ::sigh:: I wish it was something cooler, like 1 vs 100, seriously, I don’t know how I lived without XBOX 360 in the past.

Tomorrow,  I’ll actually write a blog post about the CUNY IT Conference, and about the session on Web Tools and the Institutional Repository I spoke about  But, tonight, it’s Friday, and I’m on my way out for some wine and girl bonding (don’t worry, Dollhouse is recording as I type…)

But, I needed to come clean about FarmVille, I feel better already. I know there are a lot of addicts out there. Let’s unite.

[Via http://mstinamarie.wordpress.com]

Brands making the best use of Facebook

The Big Money Facebook 50 is a ranking of the brands that are currently making the best use of Facebook. Various metrics—including fan numbers, page growth, frequency of updates, creativity as determined by a panel of judges, and fan engagement—were factored into each page’s score and ultimate rank on the list.

Efforts run the gamut, from asking simple questions to polling fans to publishing contests and applications on their pages. And regardless of how established these brands were before they hit Facebook, the takeaway is that active engagement and participation on your page are a must to increase brand presence and grow your fan base.

[Via http://bluemediaboutique.wordpress.com]

Ms. Mix & Bitch's Top Ten Facebook Annoyances

Yes, I’ll admit it.  I’m addicted to Facebook.  I check in too many times a day, and use it way too often as an alternate form of communication with just about…well…everyone. It’s also a lifesaver for people like me who hate the phone. 

That said, for those of us who troll Facebook more than we should, it’s natural for there to be a growing list of annoyances which result from frequenting a virtual establishment more than any place in reality.

So, without further adieu, here we go…

10.  People Who Don’t Get the Real Purpose of the Facebook Status

Listen up, dipshits. The point of the Facebook status is NOT to tell us that you’re waiting in line at the dry cleaners or to give us your New Agey one liner pep talks.  Do I really need to hear one more time that “today is precious – that’s why it’s called the ‘present’?”

Please. 

Facebook status updates are either to entertain people with a little funny – or to vent your frustrations (frankly, also meant to entertain).  Occasionally, you can send a shout out about an important event in your life – both good or bad – in order to save yourself the trouble of having to call a million people.  I don’t recommend, however, you break up with a person via Facebook status.  While highly entertaining, it’s still a shitty thing to do, which leads me to my next annoyance…

9. People Using Their Relationship Status to Signal to Their Significant Others There’s Trouble in Paradise.

I can’t believe I even have to say this, but don’t – I repeat – DON’T use your FB relationship status to let your baby know you’re pissed with them.  I have actually heard from friends of mine, telling me they thought everything was fine between them and their girlfriend or boyfriend only to see their status change from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated.” Can you be anymore high school than that? You’ve got a problem with your man, work it out at home and IN PERSON.  I have even heard of one married couple who were going through some problems, only to have the wife change her status from “married” to “single” before letting her husband know it was over. That’s just beyond tacky. You don’t have the nerve to break up with the person IN PERSON, then at least do it one-on-one over the phone and not through the Facebook community.  Made me feel like the kid at the dinner table watching their parents fight and not being allowed to leave.

8. Conversely, It’s Annoying When One Partner is Way Into Facebook and the Other is, Well, Really Not…

I usually don’t care that my man isn’t into Facebook. Frankly, his disinterest perfected aligns with his personality, so no biggie.  That said, I don’t know…I guess deep down I’m a fucking twelve-year-old girl because I’d like my man to write the occasional lovey message on my wall…it’s like getting a big, bad and beautiful gawdy bouquet of flowers sent to your work on Valentine’s Day. It makes you feel loved and you get to show off to the other gals how lovingly awesome your man really is.  I know, I’m pathetic, but there it is.

7. People Believing that By Simply Joining a Facebook Group, They’re Going to Cure All the World’s Ills.

I really hate being asked to join any of these groups, but I will occasionally do it if:

(1) I know the person sending me the join link is really involved in the cause outside of FB, and it’s my way of showing him or her support and

(2) it’s a cause I really believe in and one I put skin in the game outside my computer.

So for those of you who send me the link or app to cure cancer or save the friggin’ whales who have nothing to do with such causes, stop it.  It’s really annoying. And even worse, that silly FB group eschews any real progress made on that cause’s behalf.  Do your cause – and your FB friends – a big fucking favor and instead of spending your valuable time sending links for “Save Darfur” or “Stop Chopping Trees in the Amazon” take a measely $10 or $20 and donate them directly through the organization’s websites (NOT through Facebook). And shut the fuck up.

6. Stop Alerting Me Everytime Your Cow Takes a Dump on ‘Farmville’ or Your Virtual Vampire Bites Into Something.

For those of you who are lucky enough to be unaware of this, on Facebook there are applications which let you play a variety of games online.  Some let you lead virtual lives on a farm, or running a restaurant, or become a wiseguy in your own lil’ ‘Mafia Wars’ (one of my former favorites).  I too was once caught up in the fever of earning points for extra jobs and sending out notices on my news feed for help.  Then, one day, I realized I had a life. A pretty good one, actually.  And I walked away, cold turkey. Haven’t missed it since.

Now, I don’t expect for you all to stop doing something which gives you pleasure.  But do I really need to know everytime you move up another level or buy yourself a new virtual weapon? No, I don’t think so. Moreover, I know that those apps give you the OPTION of publishing that kind of info or not. Choose not to, ok?  It’s fine if you need the occasional help on a job…but otherwise stop with the FB bragging. You’re dirtying up my news feed and boring us to tears.  Seriously.

5. People Who Only Show Pictures of Their Kids (and Never Themselves) on Facebook.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to look at pictures of lil’ Ashley and Madison. Sure, why not? But some of you ONLY show me your kids. Don’t you realize the whole point of Facebook is to avoid having to go to the school reunions and see how people turned out?  So what if you’ve gained some weight since school. Guess what, so have I pumpkin.  And while I’m not sporting a bikini online anytime soon, I’ll still show off my chub mug for you all to see and judge. Big deal. We’re older. Some of us need to lose a few pounds or need a little face work done.  Show yourselves and be proud!

Hey, there’s always Photoshop if you really have THAT many issues.

4. Hey Scumbags, Stop Hitting on Me and/or Our Spouses via Facebook.

If I had a dollar everytime either an ex-boyfriend or an old college “friend” started in with me via Facebook, I could take you all out to dinner.  A nice dinner.  Listen, I get that we all have those in our past that we wish we could’ve had – or there are the ones who got away. Hey, we’re all human, right? But there’s a fine line between catching up and seeing how you’re doing to trying to look under someone’s hood and ask  in Joey Tribbiani-style “howa YOU doin’?” You know the difference, so don’t act as if you don’t.  Light flirting is fine…wanting to start sexting and asking how my marriage is doing is not.

3. Facebook is a Social Networking Site – Not a Replacement for a Photo Album.

Throwing on a few pictures from last Thanksgiving is fine.  Uploading more than 100 photos from your Family Grand Canyon trip is just excessive.  No one’s gonna look through all that crap, so cut it out.

2. Speaking of Photos, Stop Tagging  Me with Pixs From My My Embarassing Youth.

It’s just not nice to scan and tag those curled yellowed photos of me with feathered back hair and pre-nose job.  It’s not good form to show the world what I looked like with metallic blue eye liner on. Stop with the tagging!!! Please!!

1. Hanging Out on Facebook May Be Kinda Lame, But it Sure-as-Hell Beats The Geek Squad Who Squat Over at World of Warcraft.

[Via http://mixtapetherapy.wordpress.com]

We Are Family, Come On And Jump On Facebook With Me!

Following the prompting of friends and co-workers we have started a Facebook group for the blog! Thomas will be handling this so if you join up we can send you info regarding upcoming articles, competitions and our secret location where, if you find us, we will be handing out icy cold cans of cola till 3pm! So clicky the linky and join our group and be our (virtual yet still real) friend!

Facebook Group of DOTW!

[Via http://diseaseoftheweek.wordpress.com]

Quandry of Social Media Security

Well...I hope you didn't have actual work to do...

I was recently asked a question regarding the top IT concerns for social media (Web 2.0) implementation plan.  Well, in my view information security is at the top. Companies must consider that previously private data may be released onto the Internet. Also, applications like Facebook are rife with malware and phishers attempting social engineering.

Training people not to post sensitive data about themselves (birth dates, full addresses, corporate email, etc.) is crucial. If the company wants to have a social media presence, then the people involved in the plan will need to have the training to understand what to post, what is acceptable use (no Facebook apps) and what not to post.  The Internet is full of regrettable stories of CEO’s and high-ranking employees “saying” really stupid things that bite them on the backside almost immediately.

User requirements gathering will be paramount. What exactly does the corporation want to achieve with social media? This will drive what applications are to be used or developed for the purpose. Of course once a company heads down the software development path you add a huge layer of complexity to the equation. Using off the shelf applications (COTS) is usually the most cost effective.

Finally, standardization is key. If IT is going to support social media applications, the company must decide on what tools it will use and make that the standard. If users are allowed to use non-supported applications, it will only lead to IT and user dissatisfaction/conflict and a needless increase in risk.

Now for some links to backup my pontification:

• Generic Social Media Planning Steps
• Another Generic Social Media Plan Post
• Blog Post on Social Media IT/Business Concerns
• Cisco Security Blog Post on Socia Media Pros & Cons
• Federal Guidelines on Social Media Security

Finally, when it comes down to it, a wiki may be a better alternative for an “in-house” social platform.  I’ve used Atlassian Confluence with some clients and it’s pretty decent with only a modicum of quirkiness.   Plus you can impress your colleagues with the cool product name if nothing else.

[Via http://mikemeikle.wordpress.com]